You’re Not in Control: Understanding your Automatic Coping Strategies
Come out of autopilot & start living your life.
Some people live their entire lives with blinders, never really stopping to think about the why behind their behaviors. Head-in-sanding it forever, cruising on autopilot, completely unaware. Do you know…
why you do the things you do?
why you make the decisions you make?
Why you react to other people in that way?
Throw out your Myers Briggs typology & break up with your Enneagram number, because your personality may not be as unique as you think it is.
Why you do the things you do
You’re not as in control of your reactions, decisions, and responses as you think you are. Your mind is wired for survival and will do anything to keep you safe from the every day perceived threats and compounding traumas of life.
When faced with overwhelming or stressful situations, your brain triggers four main automatic coping strategies - Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn - to keep you safe & help you maintain a sense of control.
These automatic coping strategies are wired in your survival instincts.
Automatic Coping Strategies are part of your ancient brain, known as the limbic system.
The limbic system is responsible for watching out for danger. While you may no longer face the same life-or-death threats as our ancestors, your modern brain still use these strategies to help you manage & get through life.
On autopilot, these strategies are the reason you do the things you do, make the decisions you make, and react in the ways you react.
The Four Automatic Coping Strategies
(1) FIGHT
Physical or verbal altercations, aggression, explosion, anger, feeling on-edge, reactive, defensive, or controlling
You STAY and FIGHT in conflict and stress.
Triggers a surge of adrenaline and empowers you to confront the threat head-on.
Intended purpose is to regain control over threatening situations and defend.
You LEAVE and AVOID in conflict and stress.
Creates a desire to physically or emotionally distance yourself from the source of stress.
Intended purpose is to keep you safe from harm by removing yourself from potentially dangerous situations.
(2) FLIGHT
Stay busy, can’t sit still, distracted, avoidant, worried, on the go, perfectionist, workaholic
(3) FREEZE
Shut down, spaced out, dissociated, numb, isolated, can’t make decisions, stuck, substance use, doomscrolling, couch potato
You STOP and NUMB in conflict and stress.
Makes you feel stuck, unable to move forward or make decisions.
Intended purpose is to minimize the chances of attracting attention from potential threats.
You APPROACH and APPEASE in conflict and stress.
Aims to maintain safety and gain approval by becoming agreeable and compliant.
Intended purpose is to create a sense of safety and avoid conflict or rejection.
(4) FAWN
People-pleaser, overly polite, hypervigilant, put the needs of others over your own, can’t speak up for yourself, always say yes, poor boundaries, passive-aggressive, resentful
You’ve made it this far in life, which is a huge win. Your brain is wired to help you survive. Sometimes, though, people get stuck living their entire lives in survival mode - in their automatic strategies. Even when there’s no real threat.
Stepping into awareness and being present for your life can be really scary.
Especially if you’ve experienced some really Difficult & traumatic stuff in the past.
Those automatic coping strategies can keep you stuck in anxiety, depression, unhappiness, resentment, and toxic relationships. Coming out of autopilot means seeing your world for what it really is, and soothing that big anxiety your brain is wired to protect you from.
Want to do more than just survive? Trauma Therapy and Anxiety Therapy can help you identify your automatic coping strategies, bring you into awareness, and give you tools to self-soothe.
Hit the contact button for your free 15-minute Trauma Therapy and Anxiety Therapy consultation. You deserve a big, beautiful life. Let’s start living it.