Un-Truman Show Your Life: Jump out of Emotional Dysregulation Into Your Window of Tolerance

Come out of auto-pilot, leave your automatic strategies behind, and calm the f*ck down.

You live your life on auto-pilot. Stuck in your automatic strategies of fight, flight, freeze, & fawn. You keep looping in intergenerational patterns rooted in fear, anxiety, & the day-to day grind. You’re unhappy, discontent, and tired of hitting the mute button to your own life.

It’s hard to step into your authentic self, but you’re ready to see what’s on the other side of auto-pilot. You’re ready to break free from your cycles of emotional dysregulation and live your life.

You want to be Free. At peace. Happy. Connected. Engaged. Open.

So how do you come out of auto-pilot & step into your real life?

(1) Get familiar with Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is the ability to pay attention to your emotional experiences so that you’re aware of how you’re responding in the moment.

Emotional regulation helps press pause during stressful moments so you can recognize, understand, and adjust your reactions & soothe those overwhelming, at the surface feels.

When you’re emotional regulated, you’re aware & intentional about how you respond & react. Rather than reacting automatically, based on ingrained patterns or automatic strategies, emotional regulation allows you to pause, reflect, and choose how you want to respond to your emotional triggers.

By developing emotional regulation skills, you can gain greater control over your emotional responses, reduce impulsive reactions, and cultivate healthier and more adaptive coping mechanisms to soothe those big emotions and responses at the surface.

(2) Find Your Window of Tolerance

Entering your Window of Tolerance happens when you’re emotional regulated & can handle and respond to your emotions without feeling like you’re spirling out of control in rumination or completely shutting down and going numb.

Your Window of Tolerance is that emotionally regulated sweet spot.

You feel grounded and safe to process your emotions, and can do so freely.

You feel engaged and connected with yourself and others, and are able to attune to your own needs in moments of stress. For example, you know you need to have a hard convo with a friend. You’re not looking forward to the mild confrontation, and even though you feel anxious about the chat, you’re able to remain grounded, assertive, and hold to your boundaries. You’re able to feel your emotions about the situation and clearly communicate those feelings while staying present and engaged.

Things go off the rails when you’re reaction and responding outside of your Window of Tolerance in either Hyperarousal or Hypoarousal:

1. hyperarousal

Hyperarousal occurs when you experience intense emotions such as anger, fear, or anxiety - your mind goes into overdrive in rumination & overwhelm when triggered or stressed.

For example, imagine you're waiting for an important email response. As time passes and the reply doesn't arrive, you may start feeling agitated, impatient, or even panicky. These heightened emotional states are signs of hyperarousal.

Yeeting out of the window of tolerance into hyperarousal can lead to intense and overwhelming emotions that are hard to handle. When you’re in a state of hyperarousal, your emotions overpower you, making it difficult to think clearly or make rational decisions. You’re super anxious and on edge, and spiral in your thoughts.

2. hypoarousal

Hypoarousal refers to a state of emotional numbing or disconnection. When you sink into a state of hypoarousal, you withdraw, detach, or go flat emotionally.

For instance, your friends plan a hangout without you. After finding out everyone was invited but you, you feel your body shut down. You feel tired, your body feels heavy, and tell yourself you’re fine while avoiding your real feelings about the situation signaling you might have gone into a state of hypoarousal.

Hypoarousal can lead to feelings of depression, exhaustion, & stuckness. It can hinder your ability to respond appropriately to situations or engage in meaningful relationships because you’re disconnected, isolated, and checked-out. You’re frozen and paralyzed - the ultimate couch potato - doom-scrolling on your phone for hours in avoidance.

Coming out of autopilot means gently ripping the bandaid off to see your world for what it really is. It’s learning how to emotionally regulate in tough times and triggers, and jumping inside your Window of Tolerance so you can handle life.

Want to learn how to regulate your emotions and find your Window of Tolerance? Trauma Therapy and Anxiety Therapy can help you identify your automatic strategies, bring you into awareness of your reactions, and give you tools to self-soothe during your big feels & overwhelming moments.

Hit the contact button for your free 15-minute Trauma Therapy and Anxiety Therapy consultation.