Get Regulated: How to Get into your window of tolerance

Your PAHT 2 to coming out of auto-pilot, leaving your automatic strategies behind, & calming the f*ck down.

To get into your Window of Tolerance, you’ve got to replace your old automatic strategies with more effective coping skills. The goal is to get you into your emotionally regulated sweet-spot where you can tolerate those big feelings & react more consciously to your triggers.

You can stay grounded in the present moment and provide support to yourself when stressed & triggered.

And you owe yourself the self-love and self-respect to put in the work to figure out your shit so you stop fucking up your relationships, and falling asleep to your own life.

Get in your Window of Tolerance By:

(1) Upping your awareness into your reactions

Practice neutral observation to your life. Try to put your judgement on the back-burner and self-reflect on how you show up in your relationships, job, etc.

Do you hold back or avoid by not speaking up for yourself?

Are you easily triggered into certain behaviors?

Do you lash out in conflict and confrontation?

Are you chronically people-pleasing and not even sure of your own needs in any given moment?

Your responses will tell you a lot about how you actually show up & behave in your life. You'll be better able to identify your triggers and choose how you want to respond next time when faced with similar situations.

(2) Slowing down

Step away and meet your own needs in times of stress, overwhelm, or when you notice you’re shutting down. It’s okay to take some time to sort out what you need in any given moment.

S l o w. t h i n g s. d o w n.

Take a step back. And think about what you really need. Then give it to yourself. Need a break from the hard conversation because you’re spinning out of control? Ask your partner to help you co-regulate by stopping the conversation and practicing a helpful coping skill. If your partner is not in the headspace to help co-regulate, take some time away from the conversation to step away and self-regulate.

Set a timer for 10-15 minutes and come back to the conversation.

(3) Increasing self-care and compassion

The way you talk to yourself matters. The messages you tell yourself when you’re stuck in your automatic mind (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) impacts how you show up in to your life.

Know that this work takes time. You’re automatic strategies didn’t form overnight, so you have to give yourself time and space to work through the hard stuff. Positive affirmations go a long way in letting yourself know that you’ve got your own back.

You are worthy of doing this work.

(4) Learning some in-the-moment grounding techniques to help you soothe your big emotions and rewire those prior automatic ways of responding:

Cold Temperature

Find a source of cold temperature, such as a bowl of ice water or a cold pack. Submerge your face or hold the cold pack against your cheeks for about 30 seconds.

The cold temperature helps regulate your emotions by activating your parasympathetic nervous system to bring you out of hyperarousal.

Deep Breathing

Find a quiet and comfortable place to sit or lie down. Take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Count to four as you inhale, hold your breath for a brief moment, and then count to four as you exhale.

Focus on the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body, allowing it to calm your hyperaroused nervous system.

Intense Physical Activity

Engage in a short burst of intense physical activity, such as running in place, dancing, shaking out your body, doing jumping jacks, or any other physical activity that gets you off the couch and moving. Perform the exercise for about 30 seconds to a minute.

Intense exercise helps release endorphins, bringing you out of hypoarousal, and redirecting your focus away from your distressing emotions trapping you in fear and anxiety (freeze).

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Start with one muscle group, such as your hands or your forehead. Tense the muscles in that group for a few seconds, then release and let them relax completely. Move systematically through each muscle group in your body, tensing and relaxing them one at a time.

Progressive muscle relaxation helps relieve tension and brings you back into the present moment.

By developing emotional regulation skills, you can gain greater control over your emotional responses, reduce impulsive reactions, and cultivate healthier ways of coping. In finding your Window of Tolerance, you’ll be able to navigate your overwhelming automatic responses with more clarity and ease.

Want to know more about how to confront your triggers and automatic strategies? Trauma Therapy & Anxiety Therapy can help you get to the bottom of what’s keeping you stuck in auto-pilot and soothe those big feelings and reactions at the surface impacting all areas of your life.

Hit the contact button for your free 15-minute Trauma Therapy and Anxiety Therapy consultation.